A Mother & Sons Love
There’s something about the love a mother shares with her son.
I can’t explain it really but it’s just different.
When they were younger the fear of raising two boys alone terrified me.
I had my mind t, even though I was a single parent, I would be both their Mother and Father.
You know what some people think, a Mom can’t be both….
Shoot they’re crazy I thought because I am definitively both.
The boys were always busy, mischievous and in everything.
Rough and tough but I was tougher.
Even through all the tears and the constant questioning of myself and certain decisions,
I still made it happen.
When Mothers Day came around, everyone would reach out to me.
On Fathers Day, the same thing and I gladly accepted the recognition.
Each time I got a call or text I remember thinking,
“Yea, I’m holding it down. I’m making it do what it do!”
Recently though, my outlook has taken a turn.
I have boys that are maturing into young men. They deal with an enormous amount of pressure from me, society, their peer, thoughts of acceptance, emotions of how they should act and what's accepted as, "being a young man.” That’s just a tip of the iceberg, I know there’s more. My relationship with my daughter is great and I’m extremely thankful its equally the same with the boys.
As close as we are though I started to feel like there were certain things and situations they just couldn’t share with me. As much as we communicated, laughed and been through. There were times in their life that they needed more than, Mom.
Honestly, I cried and cried, thinking, all these years I have kept up with them wrestling, playing sports, running around, being curious, through all the field trips and adventures that wasn’t enough? I mean I didn't miss a beat.
I voiced the importance of working hard, grades, family, I set standards, goals, morals,
I’ve given and shown them love.
I’ve worked hard teaching them about responsibility and the importance of being independent.
I've shared my own personal experiences with them to let them know that they're not alone. And that I too, have been through things.
I’ve even spoke to them about girls, drugs, sex, respecting women and their future wives.
I’ve had the most difficult and at times uncomfortable conversations that some parents may frown upon.
We worked through a mountain of emotions.
And still, I’m only Mom, hold up! (Deep breathe)
As bad as I wanted to believe that I have been both the truth of the matter was,
I wasn’t. So what did that mean?
A single Mom can’t raise her Son? Or that he’s missing out? Oh, what's happening?
When they started discussing things with other male figures in their life, I was sad hurt, I didn't understand. It was difficult but again I had to learn it's not about me.
Yes, I have been here but I am a woman, not a man. I have no idea what a man goes through. I can only be compassionate to it. Young boys and men deal with things differently, respond differently, the way they carry themselves are different.
Instead of being hurt, I needed to be thankful. I started training my mind to be appreciative that there are men here in their life. Men that they trust, that are positive role models and examples. Why should I be hurt about that?
As their mother I will continue to pray, love endlessly, listen, speak life into them, raise them up in the way they should go and continue to be their rock. By being their Mom.
This does not mean I failed, nor does it minimize who we are to each other.
It takes a village and I'm perfectly fine with that. Actually, forever thankful!